Gimlet
by Axel's Ashes
Summary: Oneshot. "Why didn't you stop me?" It is digging a hole in his heart. .:Akuroku/AxelxSora, Soriku, First Person, drabble-ish:.


Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Pairings: Akuroku/AxelxSora, Soriku

A/N: A whim! Why didn't Axel stop Roxas, really? He just gave up. I wonder to this day. Um, this is somewhere after Sora and Riku returned to the islands.

* * *

Dejected eyes glimmered with emotion; what emotion it was, I could not tell. Shoulders slouched forward, spiky red hair drooping sadly, he watched me intently. His body was rigid; as he reached out for me, I could tell he was hesitant to do so. Acting this way was showing a weakness. He was trusting me, just a little bit, just enough to reach out for me with those hands I remembered too well, those hands I longed to have touch me once again.

I felt my face contort in fury, I felt my skin burn in rage. He seemed vaguely surprised, so I knew my eyes must have been full of all the anger he did not bother to know I held for him.

"Don't you _dare_ touch me!" I shouted. I knew that if he touched me, it was the end. I would shatter, everything would shatter, every bit of resolve I still clung to would break in my hands.

His lips – lips that I had once kissed, lips that had once touched my body – began to move, and I was terrified of his voice. I wanted to raise my hands and cover my ears, like a child, if only it would prevent me from hearing the voice I had tried so hard to forget.

"Roxas…" My skin was searing, but I shivered violently. Tears stung the backs of my eyes. My name, the name I loathed, could only ever have meaning when he spoke it. It could only ever be significant when said it in that voice.

Overwhelmed, I tried to think of something, anything, to say. I didn't want to hear his voice again, but I wanted to, I needed to, with every fiber of my being I needed to hear him speak. But I couldn't do it, I wouldn't last much longer, I had to say something. There were so many things I'd wanted to say to him, so many things I never explained, never told him, he needed to know how much I hated him, I needed him to know, but I couldn't pin down a single thought.

"You didn't _stop_ me!" I shrieked. My emotions, my hatred, all of it was rolling out through my tongue before I could stop it. The important details didn't matter; I needed someone to know how I felt. "You just let me leave! You just let me go! You didn't do anything! _Why_ didn't you do anything?! Why?! Did you ever love me like I love you?! Did you _ever_ feel _anything_ for me?!" I felt like I would die if he didn't answer, if he didn't tell me that he loved me all along, if he didn't tell me he was wrong and the only reason he didn't stop me was because he didn't feel worthy enough. But I didn't want him to answer because I knew what he said would be different.

It _hurt_.

He tried to speak, but I didn't want to—I just couldn't—listen to it. I couldn't let him hurt me again. I had to make him stop.

"Stop!" I screamed. My throat sizzled. "Don't say anything!" _please, please don't say anything, please don't hurt me again, please don't let me hurt myself, please make it all go away_

His voice, saying my name, saying it like I knew, that familiar tone, _the way he said my name_—I needed it, I needed him so much. I needed him to tell me he loved me. I didn't care if he was lying to me anymore.

I needed him.

"Roxas, I…"

"Hey, Sora, are you okay?"

Riku was watching me closely, concerned and almost fearful. His silver hair was sliding across his head to cover his eye, shielding the green from me. I remembered I was on a beach—no, _our_ beach, mine and Riku's and Kairi's—and the sun was drowning in the distant ocean, a part of the ocean far away, staining the sky red and orange and yellow.

I smiled and Riku smiled. I let my strange thoughts slip into the back of my mind—that's where they belonged. I wasn't even sure if they were real or not, I couldn't remember if they had any basis in truth, I couldn't remember why the name Roxas sounded so familiar.

I took Riku's hand in mine and he seemed put at ease by the action. He turned to watch the sunset again, but I kept looking at him, finding myself looking for something, for someone—No, I loved Riku. I needed Riku, I loved Riku. There wasn't anyone else, I was sure.

But the question was always there, in the back of my mind, even as I gazed deeply into Riku's green eyes I saw it, felt it, heard it, the question for someone I couldn't remember, from someone I couldn't remember, the question I never heard an answer to—

_Why didn't you stop me?_


End file.
